today....i hate teaching.

...the cogics...

news:
the cogics are sending me to evangelical training....i'm walking the line between excited and terrified. i mean...straight up i'm about to be a coigc preacher...which is what i've always known was coming down the line...but now that it's here...i'm torn about whether or not this is what is really best right now.

2nd:
i was watching an interview this morning that truly appalled me on a lot of levels....the person giving the interview was asking the guy about the cogic church and they talked for several minutes about...skirts to the floor, and covering the head, and the rigidity of the structure...and i thought "my god - no wonder people think we're crazy to love this church like we do"...all we present to the world is this list of do's and don'ts...we never share about how much we really love God and his word, or even what it means to know that i move from place to place in this country and always have a place to stay and food to eat if i can just find a church of god in christ....and then i began to think about the difference between me growing up in this church and the kids i see now....it's like....when i grew up, we were taught why we dress the way we day and the reasons behind all of our structure, and honestly it all stems from a reverenc for God and the house of God, but now...all people are getting is this list of rules. it really ... broke my heart. because people that really love this church...love it because of how much everything it teaches is based on something we know to true about God...and because of the way we present it the world, we are not just turning people off to our church, but we are turning people off to our God.

...i can't even...it's just not ok...

Peace Be

B&N Saturday

was at barnes and nobles grading papers on saturday for 4-ish hours. which...in a perfect world means that i was completely productive and all my grading is done...but in this world means that i drank a lot of starbucks and did some journaling.

here's a piece of all that.
---
nowhere near the halfway point of grading, and already i want to tear my hair out with the effort of it..."no babies," i want to say, "'because they look like it' - is nto an acceptable reasoning for congruence. where have you been all week?"

this morning, the ex i'm always writing love poems about sent me a text asking if i was sorry. "no," i say. "there was nothing false about me saying i was suffocating and your greeting this mornign proves it."

i started writing a poem about jeffrey dahmer. it's going to be a love poem i think.

speaking of which...

actually we're not talking about it. if i talk too much i might talk myself out of it. and i've done that once before. twice, depending on how you look at it, but we don't ahve time for that.

what do we have tiem for? let's see:

we have time for daydreams always. here we go:

in a perfect world, me and my closest friends would be at a bonfire on a beach in fiji. there would be poets (because there are always poets) and all the activists whose causes have been won, because why else would we have time for relaxing? no one would have jobs, but it wouldn't matter, because we finally will have tapped into the power of our words, and everything we needed we would make manifest by speaking, or with practice, by thinking. leah would play the guitar. it would remind me of why i believein lvoe at first sight, and i would have learned by then to be frearless. "galumph these nuts" would be an inside joke we'd shout at each other across the flames. my baby sister would love to be alive. our tether to the earth would not be so paper thin and there would be no more need of recklessness. ultimate uno would be the sport of choice, adn i would win 37% of all games. the others, a toss up among the guests.

alright. back to grading.